...cyclical chaos...

I thought I knew how to deal with things, that I was able to cope in my own way, the way I've done before. But, this is entirely different of course. It was mutual and it was over long ago. That's what I keep telling myself, yet it's all so very painful and fresh. A burning that just keeps getting ignited with a jolt of memory here and a thought of something over there.

Why is tonight so much harder than the past few days? What's with these waves of extreme emotion. How is a person expected to help others, when they can't even help themselves? When they feel like they are barely coping with their own emotional rollercoaster.

The other night I broke down again. A too normal of an event, too soon. I want to be able to do those things again, but not right now. Too much, too soon. I should have known. I know myself, or so I like to think.

Then tonight, a break down...completely lost in my head. Feeling completely out of control. I don't want to be the only one that is feeling this way. I want to know that the other person is feeling it too.

Yes, people feel things and cope in different manners. I need to keep reminding myself. I suppose like anything else I need to learn how to cope for this situation and learn what it is I need to do, stay sane.